This was saved from the writings of a friend who recently lost his fight with depression. Everything else was being deleted, I for one disagree with that as we should remember it as it was part of him, but that is not for me to decide.

RIP Draelen.

Have you ever wondered how to find and protect your inner flame? It is made up of all your hopes, dreams, cares, passions and aspirations, no matter how distant, difficult or unlikely they are. Everybody has one, even if they never think of it, or even feel they don't have one. It gives their will the justification it needs to forge ahead. That's why you're here, both in living your own life, and being a part of the lives of every single person around you.

It lets you know there's something greater beyond any obstacle you currently face, no matter how large it is. It is always there to remind you of why you are here, gives you motivation to bring your hopes, ambitions and aspirations to life, to take that next step to inch you just that much closer to something that brings you fulfillment. Not everyone listens to it, but for as long as you are here, it is always there to give you purpose, and always there should you be ready to seek it's guiding light to explore your life.

Some of us are gifted enough to be born so preciously close to their flame. It burns brightly for them, from it they are able to draw almost limitless energy to forge ahead with their dreams, and through it they in turn are a beacon of life and energy among us.

For me to try explain my journey so far, requires a little metaphysical indulgence *chuckles*

I've long explored the hallways of the mind, and have used the flames precious distant light to peer into various rooms I have felt attracted to, in search for something that you could say is my calling, something to give me purpose and fulfillment. Those rooms lead to anything from new friends, unexplored desires, to new careers and changes of life.

I never have been close to this 'flame', which in turn has made venturing deeper into any of these rooms difficult or impossible, because the faint light from the hallway is too little for me to see a future path, to take the next steps, nothing for your will to latch onto and forge deeper with.

The few doors I had poked my head into more than six years ago, lead to my current IT career and creative past-times. But as I try to walk deeper in any of them, my steps are shrouded in darkness. Looking back out into the hall, I am met by many other half-opened doors, never explored further than where the distant flames light reached.

There are few other doors left to open, at least with the knowledge I can honestly pour my heart and motivation into whatever lies beyond them. The problem lies not with the endless opportunities which exist beyond any one of them. The opportunities are there, they always were and will be... but without that flame close by, the ability to reach out and hold onto something new, to cherish it and pour myself into it becomes so very difficult.

For the first time in my life, I really don't know where to go next, or even who to be, and it's a feeling of being lost in your own mind that's awfully close to fear.

Drae is here to remind me I do still have something precious to hold close, a path explored that is close to the core of my being, but I can't yet see or understand it fully. He protects that path, shielding it with his leathery wings spread, calling out to remind me never to forget it, in hopes I can soon travel it with him, to reinvigorate both my heart and mind, with the flame to guide me through and beyond.


Not a whole lot to post so just giving an update on recent things.

The Polar Beorca is 90% completed, just awaiting the head measurements, been working on the heads for 2 Tails, Flare and Sleipnir. Going slow on the ponies *having proportion issues*

Got the streetbike repainted *mostly* doing some main fairing modifications *grinns* gonna get the brackets to lower the front end 1.5 inches, with the extended swingarm it brings the total drop to 3.5 inches, looking to do a trade with a local bike builder to get a K&N filter and jet kit. already installed the shorter exhaust. So in all he is a bit noisier. a tad lower and a touch faster! not bad.

Work is still the same. still gettin my 40+ hours *yay* got a $.35 raise. and applied for the assist. manager position *again* so we will see. just amazes me how many *vehicle illetirate* people there are, drives me nuts..

The Family is good,. all in all were makin it,,

The holiday weekend was fun, Had company down from Boston *Kyro*. Did a mess of things, from venturing thru Tampa, St. Petersburg, going to the beach and stuff on saturday, did Seaworld on sunday *thanks to Cloudchaser Pony for the free passes, food passes, and everything else passes, it was a good day. Monday was just recooperate and do house things, Did the second tattoo on Kyro, and got his new fursuit fitted, *mild adjustments here and there* and yes now we have another dragon wandering the world! yay,. *i will let him post the pics*. Tuesday was sending him off back to Boston and going back to work.

Now to try to get Romani and 2 tails body's finished for them for octobers con *oklacon* then to ship them and Leo out and were good to go,

Not a whole lot more to add, a few of the neighbors had their houses broke into over the weekend, so now it defcon 2 here, bleh! seems strange, i have lived in worse areas than this and never had a problem, ever, this place here, we got hit when we first moved here, then another rash of car and house break-in's meh,

Nuf for now, back to doing something>>

Quote from Ice Cube *FUCK THE POLICE*

After literally being ran into the dirt by an asshole and chasing his ass down to just get his plate number and doing everything i should do legally, all i get from the cops is, well unless there was an injury or we physically seen it, there is nothing we can do. im chasing the hit and run asshole, got his picture, what more do you fucking need. the one time i really need the assholes in 5 fuckin years and its *oops were sorry theres nothing we can do* Now i know why there is soo much roadrage! fuck it, i will see his ass again, then its my turn.

Say hello to the asshole....

Completion of the story,

While heading to work on sunday and taking my usual very quiet route, to avoid lights and crazy drivers. im passing thru a small residental area where the posted speed limit is 30mph, my usual 35 as normal i see a white car fastly approaching me from the rear, he gets up on my ass *like 5ft away* then backs off, then proceeds to start going around me *in a very well marked double yellow road* as he gets onto my tailend he starts coming back over, not even past me yet. i look in my left mirror to see him coming at me, so i start swerving to the right to try and let him by, *not fast enough* i look to my left and pull my knee in as not to get hit and then try and lean to the right as not to get taken out, he proceeds to come completely back into the right lane as i head off into the wet dirt and grass. he then proceeds to hit the accelerator and take off,. after a few moments of sliding in the dirt i get back onto the blacktop to catch his ass. ahem*i was at near 70mph in a 30* to catch up to him, he is cought by the stoplight so he stops *almost a mile from where i was put into the dirt* i get up behind him and pull out the cell phone and start to get off the bike to call the police and ask him WTF. as soon as i stand up off the bike he runs the light. *something i know i shouldnt do but *the chase was on* i made sure the lane was clear and took off after him, this time to just get a picture of his license plate and vehicle type, at the next light i got my pic and info, he seen me taking the pic *as you can tell by the pic* he took off from that light too, a few moments later the light turned green and i was trying to see which way he went. after loosing him as he took off like a rocket i pulled off to call the police,

Here is where it gets fucked, after calling the police and telling them what happened they transfer me to a non emergency line, as the operator put it *unless there was an injury or witnesses to collaborate my story there was not a whole lot they could do, but put the vehicle info out with the patrol units and if they see that vehicle acting suspisiously. then proceeded to hang up. i was furious by then, i had to get off the bike and walk away, i almost get fuckin killed and there is nothing that can be done, how fucked is that, so i decide to head into work *like i was originally doing* and try and contact another officer or something, to get more info, the day was uber busy so i didnt get to get back to getting in touch with them till after 9 pm. i again call the non emergency line to see who i need to talk to, they transfer me to a police officer who handles that type of stuff, after 35 minutes of busy signal and were sorry please call back as he is on another line, i say fuk it, i will try the sheriff's dept, see what they say, i call them up and try to explain my story and the officer says QUOTE * unless there was an injury or a witness to verify your story, so to make sure its not being faked, there is nothing we can do, sorry* yea,,,

so about 10 minutes later i try calling the police officer back *my phone records show a total of 53 minutes and 87 separate calls to that given number, i finally get in touch with an on duty lakeland police officer, i didnt even get 5 words in and he says *oh were sorry, thats not our jurisdiction, thats the sheriff dept area, and if it was our area, there would have to had been an injury or witnesses to the event, to verify your statement. i kindly thanked him for his time and hung up, then proceeded to break mu bluetooth headset to about 40 pieces from the anger. *stupid of me* I think the thing that pissed me off the most, why couldnt they tell me when i call the very first time it wasnt their jurisdiction, so i didnt waste an hour of my time for nothing,,

Today i sent a very unhappy email to the several departments of the lakeland pd and sheriff's office, giving them full details and everyting on what transpired. i just feel that it was wrong, all the way around..

So the asshole gets away, scott free, to do it to another person. and unless i wanted to lie and fake injuries and other stupid shit, i am absolutly assed out of finding out who the hell he was. im just glad myself and the bike was not hurt or damaged, as thats my baby and only means of transportation..

Now im thinking of trying to contact the Georgia dept of transportation and see if i can get any info from them by his vehicle info i did get, see if i can track him down that way, i dont care for revenge or anything like that, i just dont want anyone else to get in that situation i was put into. maybe give some officials there a heads up on him. who knows.

Thoughts of the moment.
During the usual events of today *zig zag thru traffic to work* work *deal with the usual idiots* ziz zag thru traffic to get home and not get killed* i spent time pondering things,

The state of how things are going, where i would like them to be,

the current situation of my job, and where i would like it to be.

and the one day eventuality of of starting a business.

I came to realize this. my credit score is totally screwed *thanks to a car accident in 2004* my job is basically dead end. *unless an act of gods happens* i cant go for a businesss loan, so i must keep plugging away like i am so we can just survive and get thru the week.

I must appoligise to all of those whom i call my friends, i feel that i have let you down, either by not completing your project yet or just loosing contact altogether, im just soo distracted either by work or from trying to get things cought up that i just usually turn on Pandora and go to it. Naketa and Calafin usually posts things for me. Phin will usually sit at my compy and do stuff while me and Naketa work on fur.

I have a whiteboard with all the needed projects and am slowly getting them done, I had to take on a couple other projects that paid $$$ so i could cover some bills, so again please forgive me for not having yours done yet, going to try to get 3 bodies done and shipped before Oklacon.

My mom graduated from college this last week, not bad, 60 yrs old and graduated college, You go mom...

Naketa and I have been bustin butt on Powder, other than airbrushing, he is done. The dragon for Kyro is near completion, the fur for 2 tails and Romani has been cut out and is ready to be sewn,*still staring at 2 tails head* The ocelot is sewn and packed for shipping, *got pics finally, just gotta post them.* and still gots Balto's stuff to return, just lackin the funds to ship it..... gees im terrible.

Next in line is another dragon project for a good friend, Mike we needs to get together and get more ideas down,,,

Ok i think i have emptied my brain out. i will leave you now with this.

Thank you for all you do, thank you to all those who care, and again i appoligise for not being around... without you My Friends, i would be nothing,,,,

Moving Forward
This past couple years has been about average for me, the usual ups and downs. Ever since we moved to Texas things have been a very steady medium. After the company we moved to Texas for basically dropped us on our asses we worked and struggled to get some sort of stability back into our lives, i finally took a job with Autozone, and like most jobs i moved up the ranks of positions pretty fast, from starting as a partimer, i went to fulltime in a matter of a few weeks, and with a couple months from there i went to a shift manager, then when the least on the house came up, we moved back to Florida, and i transferred to an autozone here, and within the first couple months i scored the assistant managers position here. Yea the pay is decent, the benefits totally suck! but its a good career, so i was thinking of sticking it out and putting everything into it, here is where things go awry, This last couple weeks has found me finding reasons to call off work, and just totally not want to be there, i have went out put in job applications at a few other places, tomorrow i go to my first interview with Geico. the jobs starts at $5 more an hour than what im making now, and has uber great benefits. so now it looks like another career change is in order. i just hope i get the job. i find dealing with idiots who dont know shit about their own cars and are the ones who is gonna try to work on it, then later come back bitching cause they say we gave them the wrong shit, *hey asshole, you should know what your car is before you get parts for it!* it just blows me away that you get people coming in saying *hey i need front brakes for my car, i ask them, ok whats the year make and model of the car, they look at me and say, i dunno, its that blue one* facepalms to the desk* again, i cant deal with it anymore! so maybe a change of venue will be a good thing for me. here is the downfall, if the job does go thru, i may end up missing FC2011, which sucks, im going to ask that when i get the job i need those days off as i already set the plans up. who knows, maybe it will work.

We shall see,

On the other front, Fursuit work has picked up, wayy up. i've been trying to get the older comissions finished and sent to the owners, got some stuff done now, just gotta ship em out. at the current time, finishing the details on the ocelot *handsewing* and working on 2 wolf bodies, a dragon and orca at the moment, Naketa is tackling the foam work, and im doin the messy part *fur, hehe* i need more reference ideas for a Nubian female...

Anyways, enuf for now,. bedtime,

Hugs everyone..

Inflatable dragon and the last weeks thoughts
So i finally got around to finding pics that were taken of the inflatable dragon suit, other than missing horns, methinks he looks pretty good, but wanted to share him with ya,

now i just gotta get all three versions of Solaris together for a photoshoot and i will be happy....

I had a bit of a nightmare, about the oil spill. Gods please dont let it come true... The oil pocket thats under the gulf started to shift, cause of the spewing oil and the immense weight of the water on top of it making the top of the entire pocket collapse, pushing trillion upon trillions of gallons of oil into the water at one time, from the collapse and the sinking of the lid it created a large tsunami that rose over 1000 feet upward and sped up as it rose to the shallow surface, but within the tidal wave it was basically pure oil. When the sirens went off, i wook up.

i guess you could say, the oil spill has me freaked...

(no subject)
Over this last weekeknd we went to Elliots events.

Was good to get away from the house for a few days, did some suiting, went to fun spot and wet and wild. just all around good times.

I took out Solaris Rex for his first time and even got to take inflatable Solaris out, got some pics of him in the photoshoot, was pretty cool. now back home and back to the usual stuff. waiting for Romanie's fur to arrive, Kyro's fur arrived already, so now it back to makin fursutis again, hehe

No leo i havnt forgot about you, just no camera action yet, hehe

here are a few pics of the event, gotta find more,

Just a glimpse of the new dragon thats coming, if all goes well, he should be here in time for Elliots...

i got more pics,from the manfacturer but want to see him first before i share with everyone else.

Solaris Rex
Well i figured he was done enough that i could finally share him with everyone, so i present you Solaris Rex.

Like Solaris, he was created from the reference that Techs drew for me. most the pics are on my photobucket, just a couple here to show ya.



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